WHAT A LOAD OF NONSENSE

By Rick Haynes

“Why do you always think the best; this is a pig-dog of a problem that won’t go away.”

“Yeah! That’s what you say, Dave. But if you could open your mind to other possibilities, you’d understand life isn’t all doom and gloom.”

“Listen to the poet. But to put the situation in your words, Will, the swallows fly high and your head is in the clouds. People will die if we don’t stop these, so-called, smart motorways.”

“You’re too old to realise the world has moved on. It’s called technology. There won’t be any cat shit catastrophe on this motorway nor any other.”

“So says the politician who has conveniently forgotten the number of fatalities already recorded on smart motorways. And don’t give me that scorpion stance, Will. One sting and you’re finished went out of political fashion years ago.”

“Give the man a round of applause for his most excellent quips. You and your followers are like a gaggle of geese, but in your case, going nowhere.”

“You may have a sharp beak and a loud voice in the parliament parrot pit, Will, but outside you live in a wormhole where the slimy people exist.”

“Dave! I thought we were friends but you disappoint me. You really do. You are rapidly becoming a bird bum of no fun. Now, what say I give you a little push, a nice payoff, a really good pension and you can retire? Let’s call it your swan song of remembrance.”

“Nice try, Will, but I’d call it a hen house of nonsense. No matter what you do or say, I’ll fight until I drop to ensure smart motorways do not continue in their current form. We owe it to those families already grieving over the loss of a loved one.”

“I’ll not make another offer, Dave. And remember, you had power once. But these days your tiger claws of malice are long gone.”

“Well, no one can say I didn’t give you a chance to change your mind over these motorway problems. You see, six families are planning a joint action against those responsible for the deaths of their loved ones. I know, I know, it’s a horse-dung horror show. But the PM is rather annoyed, what with another election looming, and he wants a scapegoat. That will give him time to ensure no other man, woman, or child will die due to their car breaking down on a smart motorway.”

“You mean, you’re back in favour, Dave.”

“I never lost my position, Will. It was simply a smokescreen to flush out a traitor in the party. And now you are on a donkey-arsed ride to nowhere. And to quote your favourite put down to anyone questioning your methods, It’s all about butterfly business and none of yours.”